Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day: How Our Relationships with Moms Shape Us (And Why It’s Okay to Feel Complicated About It)

Mother’s Day can be a beautiful celebration—or a tricky minefield of emotions. For some, it’s a day to honor a mom who’s been their rock. For others, it’s a day that stirs up grief, frustration, or a mix of feelings that don’t fit neatly into a greeting card. Wherever you land, your feelings are valid.  

But why does Mother’s Day hit so hard for so many people? The answer lies in how foundational our relationships with our mothers—or mother figures—really are. 

The Puzzle Piece of Attachment

I always tell my clients, “Children grow up like a puzzle piece shaped around their parent’s attachment style”. It’s true. Our early relationships with our caregivers, especially our moms, create the blueprint for how we connect with others later in life.  

This idea comes from attachment theory, which suggests that the way we bond with our caregivers as kids influences how we navigate relationships as adults. We are focusing on moms because today is Mother’s Day, but this is true for whoever was your primary caregiver in your early childhood. 

• If your mom was warm, consistent, and emotionally attuned, you likely developed a secure attachment. You’re probably comfortable with both intimacy and independence.  
• If she was distant or emotionally unavailable, you might lean toward avoidant attachment, shying away from closeness.  
• If she was inconsistent—sometimes loving, sometimes distant—you may have developed an anxious attachment, constantly seeking reassurance in relationships.  

Hear me out: It’s not about blame. Moms are human, too. They’re doing the best they can with what they have. But understanding these dynamics can help us unpack why we relate to others the way we do—and why Mother’s Day can feel so emotionally charged.  

How Our Mothers Shape Our Adult Relationships  

The influence of our moms doesn’t end in childhood. Those early patterns often carry over into adulthood, quietly shaping how we interact with partners, friends, and even colleagues.  

• Struggle with trust? That might trace back to a caregiver who wasn’t consistent.  
• Feel like you don’t need anyone? That could stem from learning to self-soothe when emotional support wasn’t available.  
• Constantly seeking reassurance? That might be a reflection of an anxious attachment style.  

The good news? These patterns aren’t set in stone. With self-awareness and effort, we can reshape our “puzzle piece” to create healthier, more fulfilling relationships. 

Mother’s Day: A Time for Reflection

Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be a one-size-fits-all celebration. If your relationship with your mom is complicated, consider honoring the day in a way that feels meaningful to you. 

• Write a letter you don’t send.  
• Celebrate the people who’ve mothered you in other ways—mentors, friends, teachers, or aunts.  
•  Take the day to focus on self-care.  

And if you’re feeling a mix of emotions—grief, gratitude, anger, or even relief—that’s okay. Give yourself permission to feel it all.  

A Little Humor to Lighten the Mood

Let’s face it—moms are human, and sometimes they’re unintentionally hilarious. Like, why do moms always ask, “Did you eat?” even when you’re 35 years old and clearly capable of feeding yourself? Or why do they text in ALL CAPS like they’re yelling across the internet?  

Finding humor in the chaos can be a great way to navigate the day. And if you can’t laugh at your own situation, there’s always the internet. Seriously, just Google “funny mom memes.” You’ll thank me later.  

Final Thoughts

Whether you’re celebrating, reflecting, grieving, or just trying to get through the day, remember this: Your feelings are valid. Your relationship with your mom—whatever it looks like—doesn’t define your worth or your future.  

And if all else fails, there’s always chocolate. Or wine. Or both.  

Sending you love, light, and a little humor this Mother’s Day 💐